


Every Motherfucking Breath You Take

by FailureArtist



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Cum Play, Dubious Consent, F/M, Humanstuck, M/M, Non-Consensual Voyeurism, Self-Harm, Stalking, Unrequited Love, unhappy relationships
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-03-06
Updated: 2016-04-01
Packaged: 2018-01-14 05:01:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,229
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1253788
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FailureArtist/pseuds/FailureArtist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gamzee might have a few feelings for Tavros, but that doesn't mean he stands outside his window and steals his trash, right? RIGHT?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on Unprompted Fills II.

Tavros had almost falling into deep sleep when he heard knocking on his door. He opened his eyes and looked at the ceiling as he wished the knocking to go away but it continued. He rolled from the bed onto his wheelchair and wheeled the short distance to his front door. He didn’t bother putting on more clothes than his old t-shirt and boxer shorts. If the guest was who he thought it was, they wouldn’t care. They’d make fun of his clothes, but they wouldn’t care.

  
Despite knowing the answer, Tavros yelled out, “Uhh, who is it?”

  
“Vriska, you moron. Let me in!”

  
Tavros sighed. There were only a few people who visit him and only one was rude enough to do it in the middle of the night uninvited. He unlocked, unlatched, and opened the door and she came into his apartment. She was wearing motorcycle leathers and her custom spider-design bike helmet was under her arm.

  
“Fiiiiiiiinally! We need to get your time down. It took you like six minutes to open the door.”

  
“I’m sorry, it’s just it’s hard for me to get around, with my wheelchair.”

  
“That’s why you need to get better! I hate standing outside your ghetto-ass apartment in the dark.”

  
She threw her helmet and purse on the couch and ran into the kitchenette. This was part of her normal routine. He wheeled into the room expecting a lecture on his poorly-stocked pantry but she was busy peering out the tiny window above the sink that looked out on the parking lot.

  
“Can’t see him there…” she muttered.

  
She ran towards him on her way out and he had to quickly wheel out of the way. She turned the corner into the dark bedroom. Kneeling on the bed she looked out the bigger window that looked out on the scraggly woods behind the apartment complex.

  
“And he’s not here…”

  
She rushed to the front door and looked out the eyehole Tavros wished he could use.

  
“And he’s not waiting on the doorstep…” She gave a relieved sigh. “Good, that creep did run away…unless…”

  
She quickly turned to Tavros.

  
“Please don’t tell me Gamzee is in the bathtub!”

  
“What? Gamzee doesn’t come here, when it’s this late.”

  
“Ha! That’s what you think. I just saw him outside.”

  
“How do you know it was him, that you saw? It could have been one of the neighbors.”

  
“Do you have neighbors who also wear clown makeup?”

  
“How did you see the clown makeup? It’s dark outside.”

  
“Motorcycles come equipped with lights and my headlights are the best on the market! I was sliiiiiiiiding in to park when my headlights caught a figure behind your apartment.”

  
“Behind the apartments? Why would anyone be there?”

  
“Duh, to be a creep? He is so invested in being a creep he had night vision goggles around his neck.”

  
“Night vision goggles? Where would Gamzee get those?”

  
“He either bought them with the trust fund money he doesn’t seem to use for anything but pot or he could have snatched it from his family’s mercenary business.”

  
“Highblood is a security firm.”

  
“That’s just a polite term for mercenaries. Anyway, he’s craaaaaaaazy enough to get them.”

  
“What would he want night vision goggles for?”

  
“So he could look in on you while you’re sleeping!”

  
“Why would he go through all that trouble just to watch me sleep?”

  
Vriska hit her head with her palm and sighed. “Taaaaaaaavros, you thick moron!”

  
She bent over and put her hand on Tavros’ shoulder. “Tavros, I’m sorry to have to be the one to tell you this, since eveeeeeeeerybody else already figured this out ages ago, but Gamzee has a major crush on you.”

  
“I know.”

  
Vriska stood straight up. “You know? How long have you known?”

  
“Two months ago, he texted me asking if I wanted to, uhh, have sloppy makeouts? And I said no, sorry but no thank you, because I am a heterosexual, and I’m not interested in him that way, and he said he was okay with just being friends, and that was it.”

  
“So you know he wants to see your hoooooooot bod but you can’t think of why he’d be standing outside your window with night vision goggles? You are an idiot.”

  
Tavros snapped, “And you are homophobic! Just because he’s sexually attracted to men, doesn’t mean he’s some sort of sexual deviant, who would prey on straight guys.”

  
“I don’t think aaaaaaaall homosexuals are predators, I just think Gamzee is a predator! Besides, he’s not gay, he’s bi. And you’re bi too, if I’m reading you and that douchebag DJ right.”

  
He growled, “I’m not even friends with Dave.”

  
“And that’s bad breaks for you, because you tooooooootally have a crush on him. Good job telling Gamzee you’re heterosexual and not the truth that he’s too goddamn ugly to love.”

  
“That’s mean!”

  
“It’s true! But even your white lie won’t save you because he’s too crazy to give you up. He’s obsessed.”

  
“I don’t think, that what he has is an obsession. I’m not sure it’s even a crush. It was only one night when he was rolling on E he wanted to make out with me. I mean, if he was more interested in me, he would have made more than just one attempt, in the ten years I’ve known him.”

  
“Maybe he’s just a coward? Or maybe he has been hitting on you every day for the ten years you’ve known him and you were too thick to notice? Hell, you didn’t know I had a crush on you until I had to grab you and kiss.”

  
“Hmmm, I’m starting to think, maybe you’re just jealous?”

  
“Jealous? Why should I be the one who’s jealous? He’s the jealous one.”

  
She bent over again.

  
“Because I’m the one that has you,” she whispered in his ear as she started licking his neck.

  
Tavros cringed a little as her warm tongue went across that sensitive area. He knew what was going to happen but he still wanted to make an effort to stop it.

  
“Vriska, don’t,” he moaned, “It’s been a long day…”

  
“I’ve had a long day too and I’ve been on a viiiiiiiiibrating bike for half an hour. I need some stress relief. Come on, we agreed to be friends with benefits? Where are the benefits?”  
“I know I did but…I can’t do it every time you want.”

  
She grabbed his crotch. “Ha, liar. Like always you’ve got a biiiiiiiig hard-on for me and all I’ve been doing is licking your neck.”

  
Indeed, his penis was half-hard and he cursed himself for being so sensitive. It wasn’t like he was even attracted to her anymore. His erection was more like a Pavlovian response created back when he thought she was a cool goddess and he believed her half-apologies. As much as he felt his body was betraying him, it was better than those times when he was honestly too tired to get it up for her. She wouldn’t leave him alone even when that happened. Those times he had to get her off with his hand or his tongue and she was never appreciative of his effort, no matter how hard she came. She would berate him in between moans for not being enough of a man. At least this way he got a little pleasure out of it.

  
“Okay,” he said.

  
“Good,” she said, patting him on the head.

  
She ran to the bedroom, turned on the lamp, closed the window fully, and pulled in the curtains. She sat down on the side of the bed and started taking off her boots. Tavros wheeled in the doorway.

  
“There,” she said, “He can’t look in now! Why must you always leave the window open like that?”

  
“Uhh, I just enjoy a fresh breeze?”

  
“More like you hope a fairy will fly in one night, right?”

  
“No,” he said. Yes, he thought.

  
“Close the bedroom door! And lock it too!” she said as she unzipped her jacket.

  
He did so, though he rarely ever locked his bedroom door. He wheeled over to the bed and threw himself on it as Vriska undressed herself in the corner with her normal quick speed. When she was naked she went back to the bed and undressed Tavros’ rag doll body. His cock had gone a bit soft so she put it in her mouth until it got ready again. She took a condom from its place in the night stand drawer and put it on his erection. Sitting on his stomach she dimmed the lamp to its lowest setting. After a little petting, she sat on his dick and rode him. Since he couldn’t thrust she had to do all the movements, but he made up for it by rubbing her clit just the way she liked. He didn’t do this as much because he wanted to give her pleasure as much as it made her come quicker and leave quicker. His mind went on auto-pilot.  
It wasn’t like he was numb. The car that took the feeling from the rest of his legs spared his crotch completely. She always had to point this out how lucky he was every time she half-apologized for causing the accident. Yet no matter how warm and tight she felt around him he didn’t enjoy himself. He felt like it never mattered if he enjoyed himself.

  
She was always loud but tonight her finally “Taaaaaaaaavros” seemed exaggerated as she came, as if she wanted everyone to know who was making her come. She stopped to rest a moment before riding him a bit more till he came into the condom. When they first had sex, she had always forgotten to get him off afterwards, but she thankful broke out of that habit.

  
As he rested, emotionally and physically exhausted, he didn’t notice that Vriska taking the initiative to dispose of the condom until he heard a flush. He sat up and saw her standing over the toilet.

  
“Vriska!” he scolded, “You’re not supposed to flush condoms!”

  
“What do you mean you can’t flush them?”

  
“It’s bad for the plumbing! That’s why I always tie them off, wrap them in a tissue, and throw them in the trash!”

  
“Huh, I thought you did that because you were too lazy to go the bathroom. I didn’t know you had a stupid phobia. Well, from now I’m flushing our condoms for you, because I’m not going to let Gamzee get his grubby hands on the fruit of our love making!”

  
“What…? You say I have a stupid phobia, but, uhh, that’s an odd phobia to have. How would he get our condoms?”

  
“From the trash! He’s a stalker, stalkers go through people’s trash.”

  
“But I live in an apartment. We have a communal dumpster. How will he be able to tell which is the trash that belongs to me?”

  
“He can always watch you throw it in. You probably have a reaaaaaaaally predictable schedule.”

  
“That seems like a lot of work, and I don’t know why he’d go through all that work, for trash.”

  
“Because he’s a creepy psycho stalker! He probably wants to suck the cum out of the condoms because he can’t suck it from the source!”

  
“Oh gross…”

  
“Exactly! That’s why I’m going to be in charge of flushing the condoms from now on.”

  
“You can try to do it every time we do it, though I’ll try and stop you, since it’s my plumbing, but you can’t do that every time I use a condom, uhh, when I’m with myself.”

  
“You wear a condom when you masturbate? What, are you afraid your hand will get an STD?”

  
“It just makes clean-up easier!”

  
“And instead you have to clean up a wastebasket filled with cum. How often do you masturbate? Probably tons, since you don’t have a life.”

  
“It’s none of your business.”

  
“So Gamzee might have jars upon jars of your semen stuck in his closet.”

  
“You have a very bizarre mind, and I think it may be more bizarre than Gamzee’s, whose mind I don’t think is that bizarre.”

  
“Gamzee’s totally bizarre! For one thing, he wears clown makeup everywhere and he’s in a stupid fake religion invented to sell crappy rap albums.”

  
“He’s eccentric, but he’s not a deviant. I see nothing evil about clown makeup, or his religion, even though it may be true it’s kind of a scam.”

  
“Yeah, sure, the makeup and bad rap are the cute parts of his craziness, but there’s a grungy side. Remember how he treated Terezi? He treated her so badly she ended up in rehab!”

  
“From what I heard, she had problems before the relationship, so I don’t think you can blame Gamzee. It was just a bad time for her.”

  
“Oh, that’s right, you were in Mexico during those months. You’ve probably only heard Gamzee’s side of the story. But I was there when it happened and I know Terezi’s side of the story.”

  
“I thought you weren’t friends with Terezi.”

  
“We did make up and she told me eveeeeeeerything! He did some sick things to her!”

  
He asked skeptically, “Oh, what sort of things?”

  
“I’m not going to tell you, I’m trying to be a decent friend for once towards Terezi. And I’m being a good friend to you, by warning you about this. You should thank me for coming over, because otherwise how else would you have learned what a creep Gamzee is?”

  
“Uhh, I haven’t learned what a creep Gamzee is, because all of the things you have said are false. And, also, could you call before you come, from now on?”

  
“I don’t always know when I’m going to come. Sometimes my path leads to you, sometimes it doesn’t. But I guess I’ll try and call ahead from now on.”

  
“Thank you.”

  
“No prob!”

  
They had both finished dressing, though that wasn’t hard in Tavros’ case since he was only wearing a t-shirt and boxers. She unlocked the bedroom door and strolled into the kitchen. He reluctantly got into his wheelchair and followed her. She could make a terrible mess in the kitchen, especially if she decided to cook. Luckily, she was just sticking with potato chips tonight. She didn’t seem happy about this.

  
“Ughh, I wish you weren’t a vegetarian, I could really go for some bacon right now. How do you even live without bacon?”

  
“There is soy bacon.”

  
“Sounds gross and depressing. Why don’t you eat meat? They’re going to kill animals whether or not you eat them, so you might as well eat them.”

  
“But I don’t have to eat them, so I won’t. I just don’t want to hurt any living being.”

  
“Ahh, Tavros, you are such a paaaaaaaacifist, it’s really worrying.”

  
“Why should being a vegetarian worry you? I get protein.”

  
“It’s not the protein, it’s the whole ‘not hurting a living being’. What if some living being tries to hurt you? Are you going to just let them?”

  
“What, like a cow attacking me? Animals don’t really attack me ever.”

  
“I’m talking about humans! Humans like Gamzee, if you can call him a human.”

  
Tavros sighed. “Gamzee again? If he’s madly in love with me, why would he attack me?”

  
“Because you rejected him and he’s bitter? Or some other psycho reason his mind thinks up, he’s siiiiiiiick! He might come in the middle of the night and force you to have sex with him! Do you want that?”

  
“Yeah, that does sound bad,” Tavros said bitterly.

  
Vriska put down the potato chip bag, walked over to Tavros, and poked him in the chest.

  
“Buy a gun,” she said, spraying chips in his face.

  
He wheeled back. “What? A gun? That’s a bit much.”

  
“Don’t you want to defend yourself? It’s not like you can use karate moves in the chair.”

  
“I can call the police, if anything happens.”

  
“I thought you listened to rap! Like Run-DMC says, 911 is a joke. The police don’t come to the ghetto.”

  
“My neighborhood isn’t a ghetto.”

  
“All the liquor stores and check-cashing places say otherwise. Besides, even if this was a decent neighborhood, the police don’t show up instantaneously. You need your oooooooown gun.”

  
“I don’t know if it would be legal, for me to have a gun.”

  
“Fuck the law, it should be legal. 2nd Amendment!”

  
“I don’t know how to use a gun.”

  
“Then learn! If my idiot ex-boyfriend Eridan can be an expert, so can you.”

  
“I just don’t think I have good enough luck, to keep a weapon around. Something bad will happen.”

  
“So what if you shoot your paralyzed foot? Something worse will happen if you don’t have a gun.”

  
She went and looked out the tiny kitchen window.

  
“Maybe I should stay here with you tonight…keep you safe…”

  
Now this scared Tavros. He wanted her out of his apartment.

  
“No…no, that’s okay, you don’t have to, you can go home.”

  
She stopped looking out the window. “Yeah, I have to go home. Aranea would freak and I don’t want to hear any of her lectures,” she sighed.

  
He sighed in relief. She took this the wrong way.

  
“See? You’re starting to get worried! Don’t worry, I’ll be back to protect you. Good night, Tavvy.”

  
“Good night, Vriska.”

  
She put on her leather jacket and her helmet and her purse and went to leave before turning around.

  
“And I’ll get you a gun. I know some gun stores nearby.”

  
“Uhh, I’ll think about it.”

  
She turned to leave again and then turned back.

  
“And when you make your decision, I’ll teach you how to use a gun.”

  
“Uhh, we’ll have to see, won’t we? We can talk later.”

  
She started to unlock the door and stopped to turn around.

  
“Lock and latch the door behind me and put some heavy furniture against the door. Oh wait, you can’t move your furniture. I could move it for you, but I’m not sure how I’d get out then. Maybe I could climb over it…”

  
“Good BYE, Vriska.”

  
“Okay, I’ll leave!”

  
She left and he locked and latched the door. When he was back in his bed, he thought about all this as he tried to go to sleep. He wasn’t worried about Gamzee. He didn’t believe in Vriska’s stories. It was that she was trying to tell such ridiculous stories that bothered him. It all sounded like an attempt to get closer to him. She had fallen in love with him again. Admittedly he was flattered by her interest but his love for her had died for her shortly after they became “friends with benefits” and he realized this wasn’t a prelude to romance but a parasitic relationship. Now it seemed she was the one who wanted romance. The two of them had the bad luck of never being in love with each other at the same time.

  
The “Fruit of our love-making”, what was that about? That sounded like something he would have said the first time he “made love” to Vriska.

  
He fell asleep wishing she was out of his life.

 

* * *

 

Across town from Tavros’ small apartment, Gamzee lay on a futon in a big house. He had just come back from Tavros’ place and he was both tired and wired. He had gotten a scare because he had risked arrest. Okay, he broke the law every day, but this was different. At first, he thought he was going to get the police called on him, but he soon figured out that even though Vriska was a bitch, she wasn’t a snitch. She knew Snitches Got Stiches. It’s not like he deserved to be arrested for what he did, any more than he deserved to be arrested for smoking an innocent plant. He was just looking. He didn’t run away. He just hid in his normal spot in a bush on the slope near the bedroom window while Tavbro and the Bitch got it on. The shades were down so he didn’t get a show but he knew very well what was happening.  
It wasn’t the first time he’d been there for one of their “booty calls”. They filled him with mixed feelings. It hurt to see Tavros with someone else and worse of all a manipulative bitch like Vriska who didn’t appreciate him at all. If Tavros wasn’t going to be with him, he could at least be with some fine honey that would love him. Maybe with Jade or better yet, her chubby older sister with the nice rumble spheres. Yet as vile as Vriska was, he still got hard looking and thinking about her just because she was connected with Tavros. He would eat her pussy, that is if she came to him after fucking Tavros. Well, at least Tavros wasn’t fucking that blasphemous DJ.

  
It was better when Tavros was just making love to his own wonderful self. No conflicted feelings there and he got a full view of Tavros’ miracle erection with a shiny condom stretched over it. Yeah, it was really weird he wore a condom while masturbating and Gamzee wished he could see what he looked like when he burst everywhere, but that fit well into Gamzee’s plans.  
Yet Gamzee watching Tavros when he was doing just nothing. He liked watching him roll around the apartment. He liked watching Tavros sleep, watching his warm breath through the thermal-vision goggles he “borrowed” from the family business. Tavros looked so warm through those goggles. Gamzee wished he could snuggle up next to Tavros on his futon.

  
Gamzee got up from his futon, stepped around all the crap on his floor, and went to his large but filled closet. In a box in the back was a glass jar labeled “Tavbro” and in it was Tavros’ semen. Gamzee had collected the condoms in Tavros’ trash for months so he could fill the jar. It was difficult getting Tavros’ trash among everyone in the complex’s trash, but Tavros put his trash in the dumpster at regular times and his trash was recognizable by the boxes of veggie meat and tofu. When Gamzee had decided to undertake this project, he didn’t know how little ejaculate there is in a condom, even for someone with such heavy loads as Tavros, and how it soon crusts over, so the substance in the jar was mostly little crumbles, but it each bit was a little bit of Tavros. One time Gamzee had been lucky enough to get a fresh condom. Apparently Tavros had masturbated right before doing his Monday morning chore. Gamzee tasted it and it was ambrosia to him. He credited Tavros’ vegetarian diet, but that juice would still be wonderful to drink even if it tasted like battery acid.

  
Gamzee took the jar and placed it on his night stand. Out of the night stand he got a picture of Tavros, not a candid one but one freely given, and a bottle of lube. He took off his clothes, lubed up his hands, and started stroking himself as he lay on his side looking at the picture. His cock was already half-hard but it grew quickly. He imagined kissing those cute little lips, stroking the shaved part of his head, teasing those nipples Gamzee knew must be as miraculously sensitive to make up for his sadly numb legs, patting that big belly that Tavros was ashamed of but Gamzee thought was so cute, and Gamzee imagined going down to that perfect sized cock, not like Equius’ huge donger that wasn’t as much fun as it looked. Gamzee put some more lube on his hands, rolled onto his back, and lifted his legs as he put his two fingers in his ass while leaving his other hand on his cock. He imagined himself bouncing up and down on Tavros’ erection, not that bitch Vriska. While others might regret that not getting plowed into or even thrust into, Gamzee preferred being on top, whether he was the Top or the Bottom. He wanted his lovers to stay where they were. He wanted Tavros inside of him and he wanted to be inside Tavros. He wished they had prehensile penis and could penetrate each other simultaneously. His hands worked both his penis and his ass, occasionally hitting the prostate though he was at a bad angle. It was so much stimulation and he was already so adrenalin-filled so he soon came over his bare chest.

  
He took his fingers out, wiped them on a tissue, and threw the tissue in the general vicinity of the wastebasket. With his other hand, he scooped up some of his cum. He had often thought about mixing his cum with Tavros’, but he wanted to keep the jar pure.

  
He cleaned himself off with another tissue, rolled off the futon, put the jar and the picture away, and laid back on the futon to enjoy his afterglow. This was happiness enough. He might not be Tavros’ lover, but he could remain his friend. When they weren’t together, he could still be with him, either by watching him or through the souvenirs he took. It was better this way. Gamzee wasn’t at all good with relationships. He had totally fucked up with Terezi, though he still thought the bitch deserved it. He was just a vile piece of clown ass trash. He was a lazy spoiled rich kid who didn’t know anything and didn’t want to know anything and who spent his days and nights smoking pot. And that was his good side. Those times when his miracle drug didn’t come through, he was a horrible bastard. Whenever that happened, he made some excuse to Tavros about why they couldn’t see each other. It was a lucky thing that Tavros was in Mexico those months when he was with Terezi and without pot. That was his nadir. It was best to keep a distance from Tavros. Gamzee was fine watching from the distance. Everything was happy.

EXCEPT IT WASN’T MOTHERFUCKING HAPPY.

  
It just wasn’t a happy miracle. Gamzee wasn’t happy. Tavros wasn’t happy. How could Gamzee let Tavros be free when Tavros was confined by that horrible bitch? Tavros should be his. He was the only one who treated Tavros like he was the wonderful beautiful miracle he was. He couldn’t live without that miracle. Gazing upon Tavros from a distance just made Gamzee want him more. He wanted to be inside that bedroom, not looking out. He wanted to be in that bed. Instead of just collecting Tavros’ cum after the fact, he wanted to get that essences directly from the source. He wanted Tavros, not his shadow.  
It was all driving him crazy. He wanted to drive back to Tavros’ right now, break into his apartment, hold him down, and make love to him until they were both exhausted and when Vriska came back he would take her ugly face and smash it into the ground till there was nothing left.

  
Masturbating hadn’t relieved his pent up energy. He scratched his upper arm so he could see those angry red lines. His arm started bleeding and he looked at his dirty nails and felt ashamed he had succumbed to that bad habit. At least he always did it someplace where no one would see it.

  
He decided to succumb to a good habit. He got dressed and set up his bong. The task helped distract him from his thoughts. With his first draw he felt that pent up energy leave him and he wasn’t angry anymore. Unfortunately, his sadness still remained. After years and years of marijuana use, THC didn’t lift him up as much as make him even. It still was a relief.  
When the bowl was cashed, Gamzee decided to turn to something else to calm him. He texted Karkat.

kArKaT, aRe YoU aWaKe?

He was surprised to get an answer.

I AM NOW. WHY ARE YOU AWAKE? YOU KNOW WHEN THEY SAY 4:20 THEY MEAN 4:20 PM, NOT AM?

i KnOw AlL aBoUt ThAt DuDe, It’S jUsT i NeEd MoThErFuCkIn hElP nOw. I’m In A bAd WaY. :0(

I’M NOT YOUR DRUG DEALER.

nO, i GoT pOt, I jUsT cAsHeD a BoWl, BuT i StIlL nEeD sOmEtHiNg.

WHAT?

i GoT <3 <3 <3 pRoBlEmS. :0(

ARE YOU GETTING BACK WITH TEREZI? YOU FUCKING BETTER NOT.

No, NoT hEr. It’S tAvRoS. i’M sTiLl In LoVe WiTh HiM, eVeN tHoUgH hE sAiD nOpE.

iT’s TeArInG mE aPaRt.

i StOoD oUtSiDe HiS wInDoW tOnIgHt BuT iT dIdN’t HeLp.

…YOU WERE WHERE?

WhOaAa, I gUeSs I goT a LoTtA eXpLaInIn.

And Gamzee did explain.

\-------

At five in the morning, Tavros was woken up by a text. He looked at his phone. It was a text from his friend-of-a-friend Karkat.

THIS IS KARKAT, IN CASE YOU DON’T KNOW. JUST TELLING YOU TO BE CAREFUL AROUND GAMZEE.

Tavros didn’t text back. He had doubted Vriska, but Karkat was a more reliable source. However, he was too tired right now to care.  
If only Aradia was still around to help him. He had such terrible friends.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: disturbing content

Gamzee didn’t remember when and where he got the card for the counseling center. He just knew he found it again while looking for roaches. The re-discovery of the card was a miracle to him. Ever since he was almost caught by Vriska while watching his best friend and love of his life Tavros, he had been majorly stressed out. His other best friend Karkat was helping him out, but it wouldn’t hurt get some more help. He set out for the address that afternoon.

The counseling center was on the outskirts of the local college campus. Gamzee didn’t know much about architecture but it had an impressive Greek look to it. It also looked lonely; he didn’t see anybody hanging near it. Somehow, it made him sad. Still, he went in the double side door of the three-story building.

The lobby was empty. He went up to the semi-circle receptionist window and repeatedly rang bell next to the vase of flowers.

“Hey, any motherfucker here?” he asked, “Gotta get my interview on.”

A sheet and pen came through the slot though he could see no one in the darkened booth. He had been worried about paperwork but the form asked for nothing but name, age, and sex. He filled it out, adding his customary smiley face after his name, though he didn’t feel smiley. After pushing it through the slot, he sat down in the singular chair next to a small table.

Only one minute later, he heard over the intercom a male voice.

“Gamzee Makara, please enter the interview room.”

The voice reminded Gamzee of a teacher, a profession that he usually didn’t respect, but he still obeyed the voice and went in the door marked “To the Interview Room”. It led to a dimly-lit hallway lined with chairs. On each chair was a sign with a pointing finger and the words “Interview Room”. He might have found this odd signage amusing if he was in a better mood. Instead, he quietly made his way to the open door at the end of the hall and went in.

The interview room was tiny, the size of a small elevator. On one wall was a glass window like the one in the lobby. The only decoration was a pinned butterfly on the wall. He sat down at the stool in front of the window. It felt like he was sitting in a confession booth.

The male voice spoke again, saying, “State your name and age.” It sounded like it came from an intercom and not the other side of the window.

Gamzee took a deep breath and looked down at his polka-dot pants. “Name’s Gamzee Makara and I’m 25.”

“All right, please begin.”

The lights flickered and the room began to sink. Gamzee spoke.

“Tavros Nitram has up and been my friend since the first day of middle school, him and Karkat. I ain’t have many other friends. Sure, every motherfucker comes to my crib to party and they say ‘sup’ to me, but they ain’t brothers like Tav and Kar.

“Years went by, I don’t know how many motherfuckers, but I fell for my brother Tav as hard as math class. I was too chicken to say anything. He’s flirty but he’s not a gay motherfucker. Few months ago I gave in and gave some confessing but he said nope and I said I was rolling on E but I wasn’t. It’s for the best, he deserves better than my sorry ass. But...but...”

The room stopped sinking for a moment. “Deeper...go deeper...”

The room started sinking again. “But there’s another motherfucker who wants him. A bitch called Vriska. She got my poor lightweight bro drunk and put him on a bike and now his legs ain’t working. And she ain’t stop there with the tormentin’. She’s got MY LITTLE BRO, the LOVE OF MY LIFE, wrapped up in a MOTHER FUCKIN’ SICK WEB.”

Gamzee grabbed his hair and started screaming.

“SHE CAN’T HAVE HIM! TAVROS IS MINE!”

The room abruptly stopped sinking and turned dark. Behind Gamzee came the voice from the intercom, but in person.

“I understand.”

Gamzee turned around to see a light-haired man in a military-like jacket standing over him.

The teacher-like man said, “Your only choice is to revolutionize the world. The path you must take has been prepared for you.”

Gamzee didn’t understand what this meant, but when the door opened and the man stepped out, Gamzee followed him.

Through the door was an enormous black room with a drawer-covered walls that stretched forever. Despite this length, the strange man was already at the other side of the room. Gamzee thought his hair looked light pink in this light.

“What’s this motherfuckin’ space I got my eyes all up in?” Gamzee asked.

“This is hallowed ground. The bodies of a hundred duelists lie here.”

“This is fuckin’ morgue?”

“No, this is the passage to the End of the World.”

Gamzee cocked his head. “The End of the World?” he asked with awe.

Instead of answering, the man said, “School ID Number A-314.”

The gold-plated drawer next to him opened. Gamzee couldn’t see into it but he could smell it. The man reached in and grabbed something small.

He said as he held up the glinting object, “This is the Rose Crest ring. With this ring, you gain entrance to the revolution.”

Gamzee nodded his head. “Fuckin’ A.”

\------

Tavros had finally made it to his apartment from work after two buses. However, he didn’t feel relaxed in his home. His nerves felt frayed and he didn’t know why. Ignoring his nerves, he went to the kitchen and make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. He wheeled over to his card table and started eating it when the door rang. He sighing, he put down the sandwich he had been craving. He wheeled over to the door and opened it.

Outside the door was Tavros’ friend Gamzee. If it had been a couple days earlier, Tavros would have been happy to see his friend. After what both Vriska and Karkat had said, he wasn’t entirely happy. Not that Tavros really believed what they said, but the thought that Gamzee was a stalker was niggling on his mind. It didn’t help that Gamzee with his blank stare looked even higher than usual.

“Uhh, hi, Gamzee,” Tavros said reluctantly.

“Heeeey, bro,” Gamzee said, “Can I come in?”

“Uh, I’m sorry, I’m busy now, but you can come...”

“You ain’t ever too busy for that biker bitch Vriska, ain’t ya?” Gamzee asked sharply, “You always drop your drawers for her, no matter what time!”

Tavros felt himself reddening. “That’s none of your business, what I do, when I’m with Vriska.”

“It is my business WHEN I’M THE ONLY ONE WHO LOVES YOU.”

“I’m sorry, I can’t reciprocate, but please don’t be jealous.”

“I’LL BE AS JEALOUS AS I WANT.”

“Please, go talk with Karkat, and calm down.”

“I don’t want Karkat, I WANT YOU.”

Tavros then had the presence of mind to close the door, but before he could do that, Gamzee pushed his way in. Tavros was rolled across the room until he fell off his chair. He was trying to get back on when Gamzee came over him.

“Now to take WHAT IS MOTHER FUCKIN’ MINE,” he said.

Tavros thought he knew what his former friend was going to do. Instead, Gamzee held his palm in front of Tavros’ chest as if he was conjuring something. Tavros’ chest glowed and he felt a funny feeling in his chest. Then, out from his chest came a handle. Gamzee grabbed the handle and started pulling out a lance. The funny feeling went from mild to excruciating. The lance just kept coming out until after three feet the point left his chest. Tavros collapsed in tears.

“I knew you had a big one,” Gamzee said sleazily as he looked at the lance.

“What? Why?” Tavros crocked out.

Gamzee looked back at Tavros. “I gotta have a weapon to off the Rose Bride with.”

“The fuck is the Rose Bride?”

And at that, Tavros passed out mercifully.

HAPPY APRIL FOOL’S DAY!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I need to write an actual Utena fanfic one of these days instead of just referencing it everywhere.
> 
> I hope no one was offended by this prank. The chapter turned out more disturbing than I expected.

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know if I'll continue this or not. I have ideas, but I have tons of other work.


End file.
